I would not have considered myself to be a super confident person through every season of my life. Although, there were times I was more confident in certain seasons than others.
But depending on the area or task at hand, I would say I lacked confidence. Especially when it came to showing up for myself each day. (I do think my confidence was somewhat eroded by motherhood.) Remember where I described the beginning of motherhood journey as an emergency landing rather than smooth sailing? If not, you can check out the post all about it, here.
All of a sudden I found myself with more questions than answers. I truly had no clue what I was doing. And not only did this cause an insane amount of anxiety, but it also dimmed my confidence a little.
Before long, I was consumed with newborn life and any thoughts, plans, or dreams I had for myself were put on hold.
Can you relate to this?
When was the last time you did something you wanted to do because you wanted to do it? When was the last time you did something you enjoyed? If I’m honest I went WAY too long without asking myself what I wanted.
The point is I was basing my confidence (and basically everything else – my worth, identity, validation) all on my external circumstances.
That was the first problem. Our confidence can’t be tied to anything that can change.
If it is, once the wind blows, or the ocean roars, then our confidence suffers. It’s blown over, torn down, or washed away.
Key #1 – Confidence Must Be Rooted in Something Deeper
Confidence has to be based on something deeper than your relationship status, your job description, the number in your bank account, or the tag on the inside of your clothes.
It has to be tied to something unchanging. Something consistent.
For me it’s tied to my faith. It’s finding myself in who God says I am.
You are the only one of you. You’re literally one of a kind. If that doesn’t build up your confidence then you may be hopeless…. just kidding. But you’re priceless!
You’re the only one of you. How incredible! Have you ever stopped to think about this? It’s mind blowing if you truly stop and appreciate the truth of it.
Part of building your confidence is taking time to become self aware. (P.S- I’m going to talk about self awareness and self discovery A LOT…. Because it’s vital to rediscovering yourself as a mom. It isn’t talked about enough.)
Along with self awareness is self care. Mama, friend… love YOURself.
You give and give and give to everyyyyyone else. Pour some love into yourself too. (For more tips on self-care, check out this post, Self-Care Tips for the Busy Mama.)
Confidence literally comes from within, and if you’re empty because you aren’t pouring anything in your own cup, then you’re going to suffer in so many ways. Confidence is just one area that will take a hit.
Key #2 – Confidence is Your Superpower
Confidence is a superpower. Trust me.
I’ve found this to be true in my own life. Once the flame sparks, the journey of self discovery and self love just causes the flame to get bigger and bigger until the fire can’t be put out (as long as you continue fanning the flame and pouring into yourself.)
This is where the magic happens.
You become unstoppable. You start to believe in yourself. You start to reach for your goals and dreams. You remind yourself you’re worth it to go for the thing you want so badly, and you can actually have it —- if you want it bad enough.
But confidence isn’t always a feeling.
I would be lying if I sat here and told you every day I wake up FEELING on top of the world.
That’s just not reality.
You have to make a choice and decide how you are going to show up each day. What kind of person do you want to be? What kind of woman do you want to be? What kind of mom, sister, friend, daughter, partner, spouse? Who do you want to be?
What’s stopping you? Who is stopping you from starting to show up as that version of yourself that you want to be?
Maybe your answer is the same as mine. It was me.
I was stopping me. I was the only one standing in my way. Yes, I could blame it on past mistakes, past heartbreaks, past hurts, past trauma, but ultimately, it all still falls on me.
I still get to decide how I show up despite my circumstances. (If you’re needing help making this choice, check out Where to Start When You’re Completely Overwhelmed.)
Key #3 – Confidence is Built From Consistency
Confidence is built from consistency.
Day after day showing up for you… That 7 year old girl. That 14 year old girl. That 23 year old girl. You have to show up for her.
You have to love her and give her what she needs… And you need to tell her she can’t stay there anymore.
It’s okay to move forward. It wasn’t fair what happened, and it wasn’t her fault.
This is your life, and you only get one shot.
So you have to take control. You have to take your power back.
Key #4 – Confidence Begins with Your Younger Self
Read this scenario, then take a moment and close your eyes. Play this through your head.
Picture yourself, at whatever age you thought of a minute ago, whatever age you feel you may be stuck, at whatever age that trauma happened….
Imagine yourself today, walking toward this younger version of you. As you walk up to her, give her a smile. Ask if you can hug her. Then ask her what she needs.
What does she want to tell you? What is she asking you to do? Just listen as she tells you what she needs…
When she’s finished, tell her you’re going to work to give her what she has asked for. Then, take her by the hand and let her know it’s going to be okay.
Tell her she’s going to come with you. Tell her you are not going to let her stay there.
Now, imagine the two of you walking toward the most beautiful sunset.
If you’re able to, write down what came up for you just now.
What did that younger version of you tell you she needs? You can pause this if you need to write, then finish reading this post when you’re done writing it all down.
Key #5 – Confidence is a Promise You Make to Yourself
I want you to make a promise to yourself right now, today.
You are not going to continue to live in the place of doubt, fear, resentment, bitterness, anxiety, blame.
Show up as the version of you who isn’t scared to fail. Show up as the version of you who is the bravest, most courageous version of yourself. Show up as the most confident version of you.
But don’t fake it, that’s not what I’m asking you to do.
No no no — Remember the self discovery and the self love? That’s where these comes in.
You have to give yourself what you need in order to get here – To the brave, courageous, confident version of you.
You have to love yourself there, in whatever way this looks like for you. You have to give yourself time and space to heal.