Have you ever asked yourself “will this season of motherhood last forever?” “will I ever be able to do (fill in the blank) again? In this episode we will talk about how to shift your focus from where you are now, zoom out, and look at your life as a whole and how that gives us perspective to enjoy the season we’re in right now. Sometimes it feels like certain seasons of motherhood are never-ending. And it can be difficult to find perspective during those hard seasons.
How to not rush through that last story at bedtime, the last song she wants you to sing, the last hug or kiss he asks for.
I hope this episode reminds you of how quickly life and our seasons change – even though some days feel FOREVER long! Is it possible that one day, when they’re all grown up we’ll look back and think about how small this whole season of the little years truly was. So how can we be fully present and enjoy it right now? Put your earbuds in and get ready for a heart to heart from me to you.
We’ll laugh together and probably cry together in this one, mama. So grab the tissues and listen when you can feel any feels that may come up for you!
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FULL EPISODE TRANSCRIPTION:
(0:00):
Hey, mama! You’re listening to Her Pursuit and I’m so glad that you’re here today. For this episode, we’re talking about how to shift your focus from where you are now, and look at your life as a whole, especially when it feels like your current season of motherhood may last forever. The hard ones, the difficult ones…
(0:21):
This episode is a little heavy. It’s not too bad. You might want to grab some tissues though. I was a little emotional writing out the outline, just to make sure I’m hitting all my points. And I was crying. So who knows, there might be some tears. You might want some tissues. Listen to this later, when you are free to cry and feel all the feels. Whatever you need to do, but it’s going to be a good one, so let’s dive in.
(0:44):
So when it comes to really difficult seasons in motherhood, really hard, really challenging seasons… It can be, it can be hard to find perspective. It can feel like that we’re stuck when we’re overwhelmed by one thing or another. But I want to remind you that you are never stuck, even if it feels like it because you’re constantly moving toward one thing and a way from another.
(1:11):
So remember that because it can be applied to any area of your life. Yes, some days feel for forever long, but I, 100% know that when they are all grown up, when these tiny babies, when these little toddlers, when these little, little hugs that we get, these little kids that we have right now, when they’re all grown up, we will look back and we will think, “that was just a tiny speck in the grand scheme.
(1:40):
Like it was such a short period of time and it felt like forever in the moment, but it was really just this tiny little speck in the overall picture of our lives, of their lives.” And what got me thinking about this was two different things. The first I’m going to tell you about is I’ve recently been wrestling with whether or not to send our middle daughter to kindergarten or wait another year because her birthday’s right at the cutoff.
(2:04):
So she could technically go next year. And if you have a summer baby or summer child, that’s close to the registration cutoff, then you know how agonizing this decision can be. And I’m going somewhere with this, so hang with me. But I’ve been going back and forth about this since last year. Really, you know, we were making decisions about pre-K. And what it forced me to do was write down her age each year in the grade level she’d be at, um, I don’t know if anybody has ever done this, but it’s one sure-fire way to, um, get a reality check, a gut check.
(2:37):
And so, you know, if you have a summer baby that meets the cutoff, if you send them, then they graduate at 17. You know, turning 18 as they’re theoretically moving out or going to college, whatever it is. So I sat down and I thought, “let me just make a document, type it all out for each girl. So I know where everybody is by school year.”
(2:55):
And like I said, I would recommend that you do this. If you feel like your perspective is very fixed and narrow, if you feel really stuck with where you are specifically when it comes to your kids and like a challenging season that you’re going through with them in the early years, or even later on.
(3:11):
But, if you’re having this perspective, that’s fixed and narrow, it helps you to recognize, “wow, this season doesn’t last forever.” So I’m typing year by year, grade level by grade level. And as the ages I’m typing steadily get older, a piece of my heart is just like breaking with every number that I type. And I get done and I stare at my screen and I just think to myself, “wow.”
(3:38):
And I really have no words, like just tears, because I’m reminded of how fast that this time is going to pass. And when I’m face-to-face with how all of this is going to go down, it’s, it’s so much easier for me to not rush through like all the things that we tend to rush through. Like reading that next book at bedtime or singing the same song just one more time.
(4:02):
Leaning in for one more hug, one more kiss because one day, and maybe some of you have already experienced this, maybe that is your season, but one day those things come to an end. It just breaks my heart. Like, I know it does all of us.
(4:18):
But the things that I rush through, because if I’m honest, when I’m busy and tired and in a hurry, they feel like an inconvenience sometimes. And yes, I’m trying to do better about slowing down and being present, but I’m a human and I get tired and I get frustrated and I don’t always do these things one more time. I don’t always get, you know, get it right and do it well.
(4:40):
And I guess my point is that when we can zoom out and look at our lives as a whole, the things we’re going through right now, the daily trivial inconveniences that get us so worked up… So, so frustrated, they’re really not that big of a deal. It feels like a big deal in the moment, that’s really not worth the freak out.
(5:01):
When we take this aerial approach, it puts daily life into perspective. They won’t always be little. They won’t always be home. And I don’t think a lot of people are talking about that because, you know, and I’m guilty of this too. We get so fixated on the hard and the, the struggle and the wrestling and the challenge.
(5:23):
And it is very valid. I’m all about validating where you are and what you’re dealing with and what you’re going through and what you feel. I fully believe you need to make time and space for that. But we also, we can’t forget that, you know, one day it is going to come to an end. One day, the season will pass.
(5:41):
And I had this light bulb moment a few months back, even before wrestling with this whole thing again, you know, with my middle daughter, when I was thinking that my last baby is about to start preschool. I was just thinking, “one day soon, I won’t have anyone at home anymore in the mornings,” you know, even in a few short months. Because I was thinking to myself, as I’m doing drop off one morning, you know, “the baby still stays with me and I haven’t had a morning.
(6:06):
I haven’t had a morning where I was just, it was just me in years.” So at the time I’m thinking, “you know, she’s going to start preschool in the fall.” So as zoomed out and I saw my time for what it was, I counted and I realized I have about eight more months with her at home, every single day with me. And I was able to shift my perspective from frustrated and kind of like that longing, to feeling grateful about the time that I still have with her.
(6:34):
And it gave me perspective. And I even wrote in my notes for this episode, when I was kind of brainstorming at the beginning of the month that I’m looking to enjoy and fully lean into these next eight months. Like I’m thinking to myself, “I want to soak all of this in. I want to really enjoy this time that I have together with her before she starts preschool, before she goes to this half-day program,” which is just half a day for a couple of days a week.
(6:57):
But still I’m like, I want to just enjoy the season of where I’m at. I don’t want to rush this away. Now as some of you know, a spot actually opened up for her to go ahead and start. And I think that even hits this point home even harder because I thought I had eight months and sure I could have declined.
(7:16):
She didn’t have to go. But in a turn of events, I had even less time than I planned for, with her at home with me. And I think that can be another reminder that time is precious and things change very quickly. Hear me when I say I know that some days, you’re so tired of breastfeeding. I know that you’re so tired of making the bottles.
(7:39):
I know you’re tired of hearing “mommy, mommy, mommy.” I know you’re tired of diapers and the smell of poop all day long. I know you’re tired of reading the same story over and over and over. Maybe singing the same song again and again and again. I know you’re tired of hearing “mama, watch this watch, watch mama, watch mom, watch!”
(8:01):
And I know that you’re tired of making homemade baby food and just all the things that you feel like you are constantly doing over and over that feels so repetitive. Sometimes they feel frustrating. Sometimes we don’t want to stop and look, sometimes we don’t want to stop and listen or read the story.
(8:15):
We don’t want to get down on their level and engage and interact all of the time. I can be honest and say that. And I think if you’re honest with yourself, you don’t feel like that 100% of the time. And there are times when you’re frustrated. There are times when it does feel like an inconvenience. I know this, I’m right there with you.
(8:34):
My girls are seven, five and two, so I get it. We’re in the thick of it. And like I said, honor your feelings. Make space for yourself. Take care of you. Do what you need to do to keep your mental health in check. I’m not saying just suffer through this and enjoy it and fake it with a smile on your face because before you know it, it’s going to be gone.
(8:54):
That’s not what I’m saying at all, but zoom out for a second and see your time for what it is. See your season for what it is. It is always shifting. And maybe you’re actually closer to that next season than you even realize. Maybe it’s coming sooner than you can even see. The truth is that this season of motherhood that you’re in right now, this extremely difficult season, it will not last.
(9:25):
And whether that is something that you are dealing with, a child and a challenge, or yourself and your mental health, how you’re feeling… These things do not last because seasons always change. And even if they don’t change completely, even if your circumstance doesn’t completely change with a 180 ever, something about your life is always shifting.
(9:50):
Life – there are so many different moving parts and things that are growing and changing and evolving. So something about the season will change. Something about the season will shift. And maybe along the way you gain perspective and realize that things can be hard and difficult, but at the same time, they can also be beautiful and we can fight to be present.
(10:15):
We can fight for contentment. Enjoy right now, right where we are. Not when, not one day. Not when they’re older or out of diapers or potty trained or go off to school or start kindergarten or start driving or graduate or whatever it is that you keep saying. “Well, when this happens, then my life can be different.
(10:36):
When this happens, then I’m going to feel different. When this happens, then I will, you know, be a better person or be a better version of myself or be a better mom. Or I’ll have more patience, or I’ll have more time,” or whatever it is that you, you know, we convince ourself of these things. That one day, this will happen for me.
(10:56):
And I just want to encourage you and remind you that one day can be today. Like if you want to start cultivating that thing, whatever it is in your life, it can be today. The change can start right now. I don’t care if your baby is two months old, I don’t care if you’re a week postpartum, you can shift things and you can – and that’s the thing is it can be so tiny and so doable and so reasonable, but we oftentimes don’t believe that small change matters.
(11:30):
And when you have enough courage and when you have the boldness to say, “you know what, I am going to try this new thing. Or I’m going to try to make this tiny shift.” I’m telling you when I started doing this work in my own life and actually decided, “okay, I’m going on this journey. And I’m done with feeling like I’m a hot mess, mom. I’m done with feeling like motherhood has to be a crap show every single day.
(11:56):
And I’m just like waiting for bedtime all the time. And I’m just like suffering through it. And this is such a struggle and it’s so difficult and hard.” When I finally said, “I can not do that anymore. I can not let that be my identity because it, it is, it feels like it’s killing me. It feels like it’s suffocating me.”
(12:14):
I’d feel like I can’t breathe. So when I decided to start shifting out of that, when I decided to start taking ownership and not blaming other people or other circumstances or other things… When I started taking ownership. It was the tiniest baby steps you could imagine. And it wouldn’t be because I told you, “you know what?
(12:39):
I started setting an alarm at 4:30 and I got up, and I read my Bible for an hour, and I ran five miles, and I only ate salads and fruit. And…” No, that’s not realistic. That is not sustainable. I chose one thing to shift, which in this case could just be your perspective. For me, in my opinion, and I know different people will say different things… For me and my situation when I started shifting my thoughts and started shifting my beliefs and my perspective and my outlook on life and motherhood and my world and myself, everything changed.
(13:18):
Because we get caught in these daily lies that we continue to replay over and over. these narratives that we’ve created, these stories we tell ourselves about ourselves and what motherhood has to be and how it has to feel. And the truth is, it’s not true. It is a lie. And when you can see it for what it is, especially if you’re a Jesus follower, then you can shift into walking in that freedom that Christ has for you that’s yours in him.
(13:46):
And you, you will see your life change. Your life will start to shift. Your life will start to change. And for me, it started with changing one thought. You have to be able to scale it down, scale it back and choose the one thing that you want to get down, that you want to get really good at, that you want to change and shift.
(14:06):
And then you can start to add the other things like the mini morning routine, or, you know, changing up what you eat with one meal or what you’re drinking at each meal, just substituting things here and there. It doesn’t have to be all or nothing. But for me, I don’t know about maybe you too, but I didn’t have the patience for that.
(14:26):
It’s like, I want it to do all the things at one time. And I wanted for my life to look completely different overnight, but I knew from years past that, that approach left me feeling even worse, like a failure. Like I couldn’t do these things. Like, “see, you’re, you’re really, you are a failure and you’re a terrible mom.
(14:45):
You’re a terrible person because you’re failing at this and you can’t do it. You can not do this,” and that’s a lie. That’s not true. You can. The problem is you’re just starting too big. You’re starting with too much. I hope that all of this ties together for you and you can kind of see how you can just start to shift your perspective in the way you view your season, the way you view your motherhood, the way you view your child right now, and what they’re going through.
(15:13):
Even these really hard and difficult circumstances and seasons that you’re walking through with them. Yeah, even if it feels like a struggle, you can shift your perspective around that and how you choose to see your child in the season, how you choose to see yourself in the season. And when you can do that, when you can start to make those mindset shifts, it will change your life because it’s going to lead to another thought that you can shift.
(15:41):
And it’s going to lead to another thing that you can try to shift in and implement. And we do this by taking baby steps, baby steps. And I know that it’s easy to look at people who are saying these things in this situation and be like, “well, that’s easy for you to say, because you seem like you’ve got it all figured out,” and that could not be further from the truth.
(16:04):
Again, that is another lie that your mind is going to try to get you to believe, “that it’s easier for her because see, she has this, this, this or her life looks like this, this, this.” I’ve believe those same things. I still do believe those same things. And it’s just not true. It’s not easy for anyone.
(16:21):
Everybody is having to put in the work. If you want to create change, if you want to shift your perspective, everybody’s having to put in the work. Everybody’s having to sacrifice something, to be able to shift into that change into that new version of yourself. Something’s got to give. And so the main thing that I want you to take away from this episode is really just to value your time.
(16:45):
And I know that that we can talk about the struggle all day long. I’m right there with you in the trenches. But I just want us to, for a second, when it starts to feel really heavy and you feel like you’ve lost hope, and you’re asking yourself, “will this season ever end? Will I ever be able to go to the bathroom by myself?
(17:04):
Will I ever eat a hot meal in peace? Will I ever be able to sit down and read? Will I ever be able to do anything that I enjoy ever? Like will this season last forever? Because it feels like it is forever long.” I want you to remember this episode. I want you to remember you’re never stuck. Even when you feel like it, things are constantly changing.
(17:28):
Things are constantly shifting. You’re always moving toward one thing and away from another. And if you haven’t already, sit down and write out year by year, your baby’s age, your baby’s grade level, when they’re going to be in what grade, when they’re going to graduate. And just look at that. Look at it and allow yourself to shift into this mindset of gratitude. Into this, this practice of being present and soaking up every moment.
(17:56):
I want to leave you with a few verses as a last word of encouragement. So here they are: Psalm 23:4 says, “even when I walked through the darkest valley, I will not be afraid for you are close beside me.” Romans 15:13 says, “now may the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace.” Romans 8:36 says, “the spirit helps us in our weakness.”
(18:22):
And Psalm 90 verse 12 says, “teach us to realize the brevity of life so that we may grow in wisdom.” And friend, that is my heart for you. That is my prayer for you and myself. As we grow together, as we strive to do motherhood well and serve our families well and, and be present. And I know that it’s hard.
(18:43):
I know that it’s hard. And I know that you feel like you’re juggling and you’re, you’re bouncing around from here to there and, and you’re doing a lot. You are and your God knows that. God knows you. He sees you. And he knows what you’re dealing with. He knows the struggles that you’re facing right now, whether it’s with your child or another family member or personally.
(19:05):
And I just want to encourage you today to take those things to him. Take those things to him in prayer. Lay those things at his feet and allow him to fill you with hope and joy and peace. Allow him to help you in your weakness. And ask him to show you how precious your time is, how short life is so that we can spend our time wisely and more effectively and efficiently.
(19:30):
I pray this episode encouraged you and that it blessed you. And if you found it to be helpful, would you share it with a friend? Would you just send it to them or send them a screenshot? If you think that it could also encourage them and where they are in their season of motherhood and life. That’s the whole reason that I show up here to this space, is to speak life.
(19:47):
To speak hope over you and to encourage you, you’re not alone. You’re not alone in this. And if you want to join a community of like-minded mamas who are striving for the same thing, who want the same thing in their motherhood, please come join us in the online community. And I’ll link that below. Thanks so much for being here for hanging out and listening.
(20:07):
And I’ll see you Thursday for part three of our February series, Loving You.
