Are you feeling stuck when it comes to your mindset? Do you ever catch yourself in a mid-day funk just wishing you could hit the reset button? If so, today’s episode will help you reset any time any place. I’m sharing a few practical things you can use whenever you feel overwhelmed, frustrated, or like your day is just a total crap show. Learn to reset when motherhood and life feel like too much for you to handle using these simple steps.
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FULL EPISODE TRANSCRIPTION:
(0:00):
Hey mama! Welcome to another episode of a podcast. How is it February? Like today’s February 1st when this releases, how in the world? I don’t know. January felt like the longest month ever and the shortest month ever, all at one time. You remember that episode about time last week? Well, time is crazy. I don’t understand it.
(0:25):
I guess we never will. But how is it February? Is anybody still talking about New Year’s resolutions or goals? New year, new me, anybody? Are we like a month into it? We’re like, “all right, we’re into it. We’re doing this thing. It’s February. Let’s go.” But if you have ever gone through your day, maybe you’ve only gone like 20 minutes into your morning, and you were like…
(0:47):
“This is the most horrible, awful, terrible, no good, very bad day.” Yes. That is a children’s book. I think his name’s Alexander, but insert your name. And have you ever felt like that? Because I have, and to kick this episode off, I’m going to invite you in to story time. Okay. We’re going to talk about the absolute worst morning that I have had in a very, very long time.
(1:13):
So reheat your coffee, grab your headphones. This is going to be a good one.
(1:22):
So not long ago, I had the absolute worst morning. Even though I had gotten up before my girls, things still happened and they escalated rather quickly. So they started to pile on top of one another, as things tend to do. Not only were we late to getting off to school, I spilled hot tea all over my pants. And then the tea spilled completely into my center console, all in the cup holders.
(1:52):
My daughter was late. She had to be checked into school. I was looking less then put together, no makeup and my hair was not done. I was headed to a hair appointment. My yoga pants have a hole in the crotch and they are too short. I didn’t have on a bra and I had an oversized cardigan. Like, are you getting this picture?
(2:12):
Because this was actually my life. And not only was I, the only one late that had to walk in to sign in my daughter, there were two or three other moms who were also late. So yes, solidarity, but also they saw me looking like this. Okay. And I’m sure they didn’t think anything of it, but it’s one of those things where I was mortified.
(2:32):
I was just completely mortified now. Keep in mind also, before we left, my daughter came barreling into her room, asking me yelling questions. At what, you know, I deemed it as unimportant. And I snapped at her because the baby was still asleep and it was just one of those mornings when nothing was going my way. Everything seemed to go wrong.
(2:54):
It would have been very easy to play into the hot-mess-mom culture and say, “this is just how it is. This is how it has to be. My life is such a disaster. I’m such a wreck. I’m never put together. This always happens. This is just how my life is. This. This is just how things go for me.” Because that is the narrative that I told myself. That is the story that I used to perpetuate in my life.
(3:17):
So I know what it’s like to be there. And some of you go there every time the smallest inconvenience happens in your life. You are a hot mess, mom, this is just how things are. Nothing’s ever going to change when do you tell yourself that. That is what you have on repeat in your mind. And that’s what you begin to believe.
(3:35):
It’s what you begin to see because you find evidence of what you’re looking for. And when all you notice in your life is what’s going wrong and how much of a mess you are and how everything is just a mess… Your house is a mess. Your kids are a mess. Everything is a mess. It’s just a hot mess. You start to take that on as part of your identity and you believe that that’s who you are at your core.
(3:57):
And it’s just not true. If you’re one of the hot mess moms listening and you’re like, “well, that, that is how I am. That is who I am.” It’s not though. It’s not, if anybody could be the definition of hot mess mom, like if you were to open a dictionary and you looked up hot mess mom, (which I don’t think is an actual term in the dictionary), but if it was, and if you were to go there, you would have seen my face next to the definition.
(4:22):
Okay. Next to the word. I’m telling you, I’m like queen of hot mess mom express, hot mess express. It’s me, Cason. Hi, hello. That is what I lived in for years, okay. So I know what I’m talking about when it comes to this. But when you can start to make the shift and say, okay, these things that are happening in your life, they’re just events that happened.
(4:47):
Like they’re just things that happened in my morning. It was a series of unfortunate events. It is what it is. It doesn’t define who I am. It doesn’t define my life. They’re just events. That would not be how I would choose for my morning to go. But it is how it went. It’s how it unfolded.
(5:05):
And so, once I got everybody dropped off. Once I got the big girl to big school and I got the toddler, (she’s not a toddler, she’s four, but when I got the middle to pre-K preschool, and then I got into my car because somebody had the baby – because I was headed to a hair appointment – I had a choice.
(5:24):
And I think that we come to this place where we have a decision that we have to make. I had to make a decision on how I was going to view myself, how I was going to view my morning, the events that transpired, how I was going to view the rest of my day, and moving forward. I had a choice to switch the narrative in my mind that I’m telling you was trying to convince me, “you’re a mess.
(5:48):
Things are a mess, is just how it is. You just need to embrace it. This is just who you are.” I have a choice to switch that narrative in my mind and flip my mindset to shift it and decide how the rest of the day is going to go. Because I’m telling you, if you continue to look for the mess, you’re going to see the mess or whatever it is that you want to, insert here in place of the word “mess.” Whatever it is that you’re looking for in your life, whatever you continue to look for is what you’re going to find evidence of in every single event.
(6:19):
Every single thing that happens in your life, you’re going to use it as proof to show your brain and to show yourself, “see, this is who you are. See, this is who you are.” And that can go one of two ways. It can be a positive thing, or it can be a negative thing. And if you’re stuck in a negative mindset, then it’s going to just perpetuate that negative narrative you have within your mind, within the stories that you tell about yourself.
(6:42):
Can I control what happens throughout the rest of my day? No, but I can control my mindset and my perspective. I’m not saying that this is always easy or that it’s going to come natural, or that it’s even going to be something you want to do because we go through some really hard things in life. We face some really difficult circumstances.
(7:04):
Like you’re going through things right now. Spilling hot tea in the center console sounds like your ideal day. Like you would love for that to be the biggest of your worries and your problems. I know that, and this is just an example of a really hard morning that I had that was compounded with other events, but I’m just using that as an example.
(7:25):
I know that you’re going through hard things. You’re going to face difficult circumstances. But when we’re just talking about a day in and day out mindset and beliefs that we carry about ourselves and the stories that we tell ourselves about our lives and who we are as moms, who we are as women, and the stories that we tell ourselves about our kids and our husbands, the every day, day to day mundane things, you can decide that those things are meaningful.
(7:53):
You can decide who you want to be as a mom, you can decide who you are as a mom. What you want to feel like, how you want to be. What kind of mom do you want to be? You decide the intent for your day, which ultimately sets the intent for your life. You know, you can set the intent for your day and your focus and what your attitude will be, and the thoughts that you will carry with you throughout the rest of your day…
(8:17):
When you do go through these, what are really trivial, but they might not feel so trivial in the moment when it’s starting to pile, because I was having physical responses to it. I mean, my stress response was triggered. I was, you know, my heart was racing. I was probably sweating. I was having the stress response because I was angry.
(8:38):
I was frustrated. I was like, “are you kidding me?” You know, we’ve all been there and I don’t know about you, but I found myself stuck in this rut of only ever feeling like nothing ever goes how I want it to. And I still feel like that from time to time, but I catch myself. And identify that belief that I’m telling myself and I reverse it.
(9:00):
I have to switch it. I shift my mindset and that’s what I sat in my car and did, as soon as I got the middle dropped off at school. I sat in my car and this is what I did to help reset this terrible morning that I had so that it didn’t ruin the rest of my day. Okay. Instead of picking up my phone or scrolling or turning on a podcast or listening to the radio or calling my mom or my husband or my friend.
(9:31):
I got into silence. That is the first thing that you have to do, okay? You, after you drop your kids off, if you’re alone in the car, or if you’re at home and this happens, try to go to the bathroom, get outside. You need to get quiet. Do not fill the void with anything. No noise, no music, no podcasts, no TV, no Netflix, no Facebook, no Instagram, no calling anybody on the phone.
(9:53):
You have to get into the silence. You need to sit there. And the next thing you need to do is take some deep breaths. Okay? Remind yourself. “These events do not define who I am as a mom or a woman. They were things that happened. They don’t have to define the rest of my day. I get to choose the attitude I take with me throughout the rest of my day.
(10:14):
I get to decide how I look at the rest of my day and how I feel about it.” So in that moment, decide on a feeling. I choose to be. I choose to feel, okay, fill in the blank. I choose to be, you know, it could be thankful, grateful. I choose to be calm and I choose to feel, whatever it is that you’re going to choose.
(10:35):
And you’re going to make that conscious effort and that conscious choice for the rest of your day. And after this, if you are a Christian, if you’re a Jesus follower, you can pray. And you know, I guess that maybe should be the first thing that we do. I don’t know. It doesn’t tend to be like the very first initial thing, but if you want to switch that up and put prayer at the beginning, I do not think that would be a bad idea. But praying to God, asking him to help you, you know, refocus and set your mindset and give you perspective and, you know, give you a heart of thankfulness and how, whatever you choose to pray.
(11:07):
However you pray. You know, it probably should be the first thing that we do. And so either way, you’re going to need silence for that, for me personally, to be able to concentrate. Now, sometimes I will run through prayers in my head while my kids are screaming in the back of the car. That’s usually like, “Lord, please help me to make it home without harming anyone here.”
(11:12):
Um, that was a joke, I don’t know for legal purposes. I need to say that. Anyways, you’re not judging me, right? Like, you know what that’s like, okay. So this is a very quick and easy way to reset. Silence, deep breaths, choosing what your, what are you going to choose to be or feel, and praying. What I didn’t do is run to my phone and scroll because it’s my default, you know, for some of us, it tends to be our default when someone upsets us or we feel stressed…
(11:55):
We pick up our phone and we scroll Facebook and Instagram. That’s going to make you feel worse, especially when you’re in a vulnerable situation or a vulnerable state. Like I was very vulnerable. I was likely to be triggered by other things that I saw on social media.
(12:12):
So do not do that to yourself. Okay. Do not start to get lost in the rabbit hole of everybody else’s lives because you know what? This is what your mind is going to do, because my mind has done this to me. You’re going to see Susie who has the perfect house, and she just posted a very perfectly clean picture onto her feed, or she shown stories about how Little Johnny is being perfect this morning.
(12:37):
And awhhh, he wanted to pray and it just looks so peaceful. And you know, her life is perfect and your life is not. And here is yet another example of proof and evidence that you’re a hot mess and that you don’t have your stuff together and that you’re not a good mom, really like just when it comes down to it. You know, you’re not a good mom and see, look at her life.
(12:15):
See, this is proof that you’re not a good. That is what your mind will do to you. Because if you missed last week’s episode, talking about mindset, there’s a mean girl in your head. Okay. There’s a mean girl in my head and she can be really loud sometimes. And she’s really, really, really mean. And she says terribly awful things, just like that.
(13:15):
When she gets to go in and when I don’t shush her and when I don’t kind of take some control and have some discipline. So do not feed into the social media world that is going to make you spiral and spin further down this hole, okay. You’ve got to nip it right there whenever you first notice it. When you get a moment of silence to yourself.
(13:37):
Like I said, you might have to create it. You might have to make some space and some time for yourself. You might have to get your kids situated for a second. Okay, you’re the mom. So, so get them situated and then you take that second for yourself. 30 seconds to a minute. And you do the quick things that allow you to reset. The deep breaths, choosing an intention, and get some prayer in there too if you’re a Christian.
(13:58):
If I hadn’t have chosen to do that, there’s no telling what the rest of my day would have looked like. I’m sure there were other things that happened throughout the day that I could have found as evidence to prove to myself that I’m a hot mess mom, and I’m a terrible mom. And all I do is, you know, yell and blow up and react and explode.
(14:18):
But I made the conscious effort and the conscious decision for how I want it to continue throughout the day for the rest of the day and so, my mind left it alone for that day. Now I’m not saying that you won’t encounter other things that you’re going to have to, maybe do this process through again, or simply say to yourself, that’s not true.
(14:37):
I’ve had to say this, um, within my mind, quietly, silently, and sometimes I’ll say it out loud. “That’s not true.” And then you have to not only say “it’s not true” and show yourself its not true, but then you have to shift it and you have to give yourself another thought to think. It’s not just enough to say that’s not true or that’s wrong or whatever it is.
(14:58):
You can’t just prove to yourself that that’s a wrong thought. It’s a lie. You have to also give the mind something else to take hold of. Okay? So very practical, very, to the point because I love episodes like this. You can absolutely incorporate this into your day anytime that you need a reset, this will help you reset.
(15:19):
Anytime, any place, you just have to do it or else it doesn’t work. Okay? If you have any questions about how to reset, if you have any questions about specific situations, send me an email. Send me a DM. I would love to chat with you. I’m praying for you as you go about your week and your day. Thank you so much for being here and sitting with me and chatting.
(15:37):
I pray that this was helpful. Hope it encouraged you. And I pray that these practical things that you can do and implement in your life, help you to reset. Whenever mom life is frustrating. Whenever your mind starts to get really loud and really mean because you’re not alone in that. I deal with that too. And I’ve had other moms send me emails and say, “I feel like you are talking straight to me.
(15:59):
How did you know that? I also have this mean girl voice in my head.” It’s because we all do. Okay? You’re not alone. You are not alone. We’ve just got to start telling her how it is, instead of letting her be the boss. You’re the boss, not her. And you’re like, “oh my gosh, I feel like I have, you know, a personality disorder.” And I’m not, I’m not mocking that because that is a very real thing.
(16:19):
You know, there are different types of mental illnesses that are absolutely legitimate. But sometimes yes, we feel like, “okay, well, is it my voice? Or is that like the mean voice or is that like the good voice or the right voice?” And it can be hard to discern amongst all of the other distractions and noise and chaos of motherhood.
(16:39):
It can be a lot, but when you choose to focus on one thing… Like, if you can choose to master this reset and let this be your one thing that you focus on, then before you know it, you’re going to make so much progress. And this is not going to be an issue for you anymore.
(16:53):
You will automatically, like I did that day in my car, as soon as I got them dropped off and got a free minute, I automatically went to this default mode of “this is how I need to reset.” I recognized it. I knew that if I continue down the spiral, I knew what the rest of the day was going to look like. And you know what it’s going to look like too, because you’ve been there and you’ve had like the whole day not be, you know, really be a crap show.
(17:16):
And if that’s not what you want for yourself and for your day, then let’s figure out how to reset. And let’s at least give some effort into redirecting our thoughts. Like I said, we can’t control what happens, but we can only control our perspective and how we feel about it. So if you found this episode to be helpful, take a screenshot really quick, send it to a friend.
(17:35):
You can post on socials, tag me in your Instagram stories @heyitscason. And I always reshare those and I love to see when you’re listening. I’d love to know how it lands, if you’re liking it, what you liked about the episode. And then if you’re feeling super generous, you can leave me a podcast review. If you’re on apple, you can scroll down, tap a review.
(17:55):
And let me know when the podcast means to you, let other moms know what the podcast means to you and how it has impacted your life. I would appreciate that so much, and it really does help other moms like you, other moms like me, find messages of hope and encouragement, just like this one that you’re listening to right now.
(18:10):
So thank you so much for leaving that review. It means the world to me! Your support means the world to me, and I will see you next time.
