Hey mama! HEY AGAIN! Twice in one week, I think I can get used to this. I hope you’re ready because today I’m sharing 4 reasons you aren’t seeing results in your life and how you can use these things to create change that WILL last. Sometimes we just need a reminder and I hope today I can remind you of these things with truth and love. I want you to be successful. I want you to be the best version of yourself so that you can lead your family well. That’s right- even as mamas we have influence. Our role matters! And that’s why I’m sharing these things with you today so that you can serve your family well.
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FULL EPISODE TRANSCRIPTION:
(0:00):
Hey friend. Welcome back to another episode. Hey, again, two times in one week! This is so cool. So exciting. I’m so glad that we get to hang out twice this week. So welcome back today. We’re going to be talking about four reasons that you aren’t seeing results in your life. And I don’t want to burst your bubble and never want to rain on your parade, but sometimes I think it takes us being self-aware and maybe knowing some of these themes so that we can recognize them in our lives, correct them and then, set ourselves up for success.
(00:37):
So I’m going to share with you four reasons that you’re not seeing results. And then also how to create lasting change with that. I’m not going to leave you hanging. I’m going to also give you some ways that you can create change that you want to see in your life. So that you can be successful because that’s what we all want.
(00:54):
Right? We want to create change. We want to be successful. We really want to be the best version of ourselves possible. Not only for ourselves, but also for our family, for our kids, so that we can lead them well. Because as moms we’re also leading, we also have a lot of influence. So how we show up and the things that we do, our habits, our routines, the way we think, our mindset, those things matter.
(01:18):
So let’s jump right in, grab some coffee, grab your headphones. It’s going to be a good one.
(01:31):
There are some episodes that I like to just dive right in, and this is one of those times. So we’re gonna get right to it. Number one. And these are in no particular order, but number one, one reason why you’re not seeing change in your life is because you haven’t set a focus. You haven’t chosen a bullseye, so you don’t really even know where you’re going.
(01:55):
You have no true direction. I want you to think for a second. We have a new year. We have this clean slate. I want you to find your bullseye. I want you to find your focus. I want you to narrow in on the end goal, whether it’s a feeling or an attitude, a physical change, whatever it is that you are wanting to do, that is your bullseye.
(02:20):
You have to set your focus and you have to begin to shift your perspective to that thing every single day. The feeling or the attitude or the change, whatever it is, you have to keep that as your focus in the forefront of your mind every single day. And I want you to decide right now that you’re going to live intentionally and that you’re going to show up each day in order to create that change in your life.
(02:45):
There is an amazing book by Christine Caine. It’s called, “How Did I Get Here?” And in it, she talks about drifting and she talks about being anchored and the importance of being anchored. But did you know, I’ve never thought about this, but did you know… Have you ever thought of the fact that to drift you actually just have to do nothing?
(03:04):
Like if you think about a boat in the ocean, if it’s not anchored, it’s going to drift far away. It’s not doing anything. The engine’s not even on, it’s just sitting in the water, but it still drifting. This is us, mama. This is me. This is you and our lives. If we don’t live with intent, if we don’t live with purpose, if we don’t consistently ask ourselves, what am I moving towards?
(03:30):
What am I working toward? Who do I want to be? What do I want my life to feel like? What kind of mom do I want to be? How do I want to show up? If you’re not consistently asking yourself this, then you’re going to end up in a place where you don’t even recognize yourself. And I think as moms, this is why so many of us wake up and all of a sudden we’re like, “who am I?”
(03:52):
What, what do, what is my life? Like, what do I even enjoy anymore? We don’t know because… We can’t be faulted, we’re, we’re so busy, you know? Pouring into our babies and raising babies and raising kids. But there has to come a time where you stop and you ask yourself, what do I want to be? What kind of model am I being to them?
(04:11):
Because who you are and how you show up matters, what you say matters. How you think about yourself matters, because it all translates into how other people see you and that includes your kids. It matters because it affects their lives as well. So it’s not selfish to stop and say, “what do I want, who do I want to be?”
(04:32):
It’s actually being thoughtful of your family, of your kids, your husband, the other people around you, and also for yourself. Like it’s okay to be selfish. I don’t see it as selfish. Whenever you want to be the best version of yourself when you’re trying to better your life or better, you know, this version of who you are, there’s nothing wrong with that.
(04:52):
There’s nothing selfish about that. So the first thing you have to do is to find your bullseye. One reason why you are not successful. One, one reason why you’re not creating lasting change is because you don’t have a set focus and you’re not revisiting it over and over and over. You can’t do this once a year.
(05:11)
You know, I did this series in the end of December and it was, “Why You Shouldn’t Wait for January to Change Your Life” because you literally get a fresh start every single day. Every moment, honestly, to reset into shift your perspective or shift your attitude. Because the only thing that requires of you to drift and be taken completely off course and look in the mirror and have no idea who you are and not recognize yourself at all…
(05:36):
All it takes for that to happen is nothing. For you to sit back and do nothing and continue to let life happen to you and let your days just pass you by and stay caught up in this chaos and staying stuck. And I know you’re saying, “well, Cason, it’s not that easy.” But it really actually is. It really is as simple and as easy as you making the decision, putting the stake in the ground right now, the first week of January and saying, “I am not doing this anymore.
(06:10):
I don’t want to be this person. I don’t want to be this kind of mom. I don’t want to be this kind of wife. I don’t want to do this anymore.” And when I say that, what I’m referencing is just from my own personal experience of the attitudes and the beliefs and the way that I showed up, I just got sick of it.
(06:26):
So I decided that I decided on a feeling, I decided on how I wanted to feel. And for me that was more calm, more peace, because as you probably know, by now, I struggled with anxiety. I’ve struggled with anxiety, my entire life, majority of my life, I should say. And so a lot of my life has been spent spiraling.
(06:44):
I’ve had seasons of spiraling and there was no intentional thinking. There was no intentional mindset. I wasn’t being proactive at all. Everything was reactive. Every thing was reactive. I lived in a reactive state and, you know, we could, we could kind of have a whole separate episode about how it’s not really your fault.
(07:04):
And there are things that have happened to you and, you know, scientifically physiologically all these things. Like there are things that have to be dealt with in order for you to kind of move out of that fight or flight mode. Because for me, it came from some trauma that really hadn’t been processed or healed, even though it happened, you know, as a child.
(07:22):
“And it wasn’t really that big of a deal,” you know, quote, unquote air quotes here. But there are things that yeah, you have to work through and process in order to kind of move out of that fight or flight zone and start to actually show up in the present. Because what happens is you are reliving every single day from like that point of where you kind of are stuck emotionally or uh, mentally, if you want to say.
(07:47):
So I’m kind of reliving. I was reliving every single day, the pain and the hurt of this thing that I hadn’t really given myself the permission to say, “I’m not okay with this. This actually did bother me. It did hurt me. It is hurtful and it’s disappointing. And why did it have to happen to me?”
(08:03):
And like I said, that’s a whole separate episode way above my pay grade. There are things that may come up that you might need help with. That’s totally fine. There’s no shame in going to therapy or counseling or medication. All of those things have been part of my story, are part of my story, that I’ve had to do for a season.
(08:22):
And the reason that it’s relevant is because until you deal with those things and really work through them and heal them and process through, you’re going to stay stuck. Like you’re going to stay stuck in that place, because there’s a lot of things holding you there that are keeping you captive and keeping you stuck…
(08:39):
That until you learn to work through and kind of break free of those things, of those limiting beliefs that are so deeply rooted. You kind of can’t move on and become this new version of, you know, this person that you want to be. Until you, like, get down to the root of it because they are, there are beliefs that we have about ourselves and about the world around them that are so deeply rooted.
(09:02):
We don’t even recognize them. That was part of the work that I had to do in therapy for a while, was like… She would ask me, “how do you feel about this? Or how do you feel about that? Or what do you believe about this or that?” And I didn’t know, like, I didn’t even know where to start.
(09:15):
My brain was blank when it came to those, answering those things. But even when you are frozen, let’s kind of get back on track here. Cause I got off on a tangent, like I tend to do. But even when you’re frozen, even when you’re paralyzed or you’re doing nothing, you are still moving away. Like you are constantly in motion.
(09:36):
You’re either moving towards something or you’re moving away from something, but you’re always moving. Like, you’re really never actually stagnant. A lot of times we feel stuck. We feel stagnant, but really you’re more than likely, I guess you could say, regressing or moving further away from who it is that you want to be.
(09:54):
So why not take control of your actions? Why not take control of your thoughts? Why not take control of your perspective and your choices and start to live with intent? Find your bullseye. Set the focus. Know where you’re going. Know who you want to be. Know what you want your home to feel like, or what you want your mind to feel like. Know who you want to be.
(10:17):
And then you start to show up as that version of yourself every single day by taking baby steps to be her. And if you’re a Christian, if you’re a Jesus follower, then you’re getting into the Word every single day. You know, we think that this change and this transformation is going to happen, but it doesn’t happen on our own.
(10:35):
Like we can’t, we can’t create this change in our life. We can, to a degree, we can shift mindsets, we can shift perspective, but if you… That only gets us so far. If you’re not getting into the Word and you’re not letting Him renew your mind every single day and really taking on the truth of who He says you are and that identity that you get to step into.
(10:56):
Like, not even every single day, just like every moment. Because sometimes, like I said, you need a reset from moment to moment or hour to hour, and that is available to you in Christ. So take control of it. Take these thoughts captive, be proactive and remind yourself of truth, regardless. Remind yourself of this bullseye and this focus.
(11:17):
Keep it always in front of you at the forefront of your mind. And I know, I know that’s not easy to do. I have three small kids of my own. Like I know this is not easy, it’s simple, but it’s not easy because life is always happening. Distractions are always happening. But when you get into this practice of showing up more intentionally, it just becomes more a part of who you are and I’m telling you that there’s so much freedom here.
(11:43):
It is so, it is possible. I just want to say that because sometimes, honestly I have like kind of this outer body experience. It sounds kind of strange, but I’ll think about things that I’m saying or think about the way that I live my life now. And it’s just, it’s totally different than who I used to be.
(12:00):
I’m completely transformed. And yeah, some of that is my own hard, hard work that I’ve done and the practical things, but then it’s like… Majority of it is spiritual. And you know, this life change that the Spirit, the Holy Spirit has done a work in my life, but it wasn’t until I let go of the old and I was ready to take on the new that I could really create that change.
(12:25):
So one reason that you’re not seeing lasting change, one reason that your results aren’t lasting, that you’re not actually creating change is that you don’t have a focus. So set the focus, know where you’re going, know your bullseye and keep it in the forefront of your mind. Let’s move on to number two.
(12:42):
Another reason you’re not seeing the results in your life is that you haven’t taken time to reflect on what’s working and what’s not working. And you can’t really just reflect on it. You also have to take some action. You have to be willing to change what’s not working. This includes things like habits, mindsets, beliefs, the thoughts that you think. We’re getting very practical here.
(13:05):
And it sounds overly simplified. It sounds like it wouldn’t really make that big of a difference, but it really, really does when you sit and you take time and take inventory and you reflect on your current habits, your current thought patterns, and you decide what’s working for you. What’s not working for you. That is huge.
(13:25):
Like change will happen in your life if you sit down and do that and you take action on it. I recently read this quote. It says, “reflection is the key to real growth.” And I see that I get that because I have reflected along the way, these past few years, there’s been a lot of reflection, a lot of going inward.
(13:45):
And so maybe if you’re not in the practice of doing that regularly, make that a regular practice that you do. Ask yourself different reflection questions. Ask yourself what’s working, what’s not working. What’s serving you, what’s not serving you. And that can be anything from habits to thought patterns to, you know, just your daily action.
(14:04):
Otherwise your days just continue to look the same, day in and day out. And how you spend your days is really how you are going to spend your entire life. Like if nothing ever changes, then nothing’s ever going to change. And I know that sounds like, “well, duh,” but when it comes to your life, are you living that way?
(14:25):
Like, are you living it out? Because in order for us to even know where we want to go, we need to kind of reflect first. So if I was going to put these in order, I would honestly say, number one, you need to be reflecting. And then number two, you need to set the goal, set the focus, set the bullseye. Because until we reflect, until we know and become self-aware of what we’re currently doing, that’s working for us and what’s not working for us, we can’t really make the change.
(14:51):
Okay, so a third reason that you’re not seeing results in your life and also how to create this change that will last, is that you are trying to do it all. And maybe even trying to do it perfectly instead of just doing what you can with where you are. Some seasons don’t allow for perfection.
(15:08):
Like it should never be the goal. We should never be striving for perfection, but sometimes we just have to do the bare minimum until we can do more. So I’ve got an episode actually scheduled to come out the last Thursday of this month, where I’m going to go into so much more detail on this area of balance and whether or not it’s possible.
(15:26):
So make sure you’re subscribed so you don’t miss it. But the one thing that I want to encourage you with right now is to give yourself permission to not do it all. Just give yourself permission to stop trying to do all the things. You do not have to. You don’t, you just don’t. And I think sometimes, especially as moms, we need to be reminded of that and reminded of it often. That you don’t have to strive to do everything, you do not.
(15:55):
You do not have to do it all. You can just do what you can with where you are. Your progress and your growth is going to be hindered tremendously if you don’t give up trying to do it all and just start, actually start, doing what you can with what you have. It doesn’t have to be perfect.
(16:14):
Because oftentimes we say, “well, I’ll start to do this whenever this is different in my life, or when the baby is at this season, or when she’s through this stage, or when I’m able to do this, or when I have more time or, or, or…” And we just keep putting it off rather than just starting where we are. And starting how we can with what we have it, it doesn’t have to be perfect.
(16:38):
So give yourself permission. You don’t have to do it all. Just pick that focus, pick the one thing and maybe identify a few areas that you know, are important to you because I get it. You’re saying, “okay, Cason. Well, I’m a mom, so I can’t really, just like, not make sure that this has done or that’s done for my kids.”
(16:55):
I get that you have priorities. I get that. You have things that you have to maintain and make sure that you have a handle on and that everything’s prepared and ready to go for your family and your kids. Again, I’m going to refer you to episode 22, where I talk about time management and reflecting on how to schedule your week and your time and where you’re spending it.
(17:13):
It really is a game changer when you can get on top of that and kind of figure out and identify, okay, what are my priorities? What do I need to get done? What do I want to get done? And then you start to ask yourself what matters to me. Not what matters to anybody else, not what she’s doing, not what they’re doing.
(17:31):
What do I need to do and what do I need to get done? And how can I put those things into my schedule so that I can make sure I’m being intentional on being effective with my time. Being efficient with my time and making the most of it. Don’t try to do it all, but do what you can with where you are. Do what makes sense for you in your season right now.
(17:52):
Okay. The fourth thing, and I’m making this a quick episode, because like I said, I feel like it kind of has this negative connotation to it… Like “four reasons why you’re not seeing results in your life because you suck and this, this, this…” Again, I hope, no kids are listening because I sometimes say words that aren’t terrible, but literally like, my kids are not allowed, to say them.
(18:09):
So, I’m not trying to rain on your parade. I’m not saying you’re not doing this. You’re not doing that because maybe you are doing some of these things, or maybe you just needed a reminder. Like, oh yeah, I kind of need to pay more attention to this or that. But the fourth and final thing as we wrap up is that you may not be showing up consistently.
(18:26):
Results require consistency and the motivation to continue showing up consistently is your focus, which was number one. So we’ve just taken this full circle. Like we’ve just brought it around. We’ve got a full circle here. It doesn’t work to just eat the salad for one day. Like, you have to continue to eat the salad over and over and over, until you’re sick of eating salad and the salad just becomes your go-to choice for you because of what you’re used to doing.
(18:50):
And maybe food isn’t the best example. I know that some of us have a kind of weird relationship with food. So maybe let’s try something else. You have to continue like laying out the journal and over and over. Getting up and journaling until you start to feel different and you enjoy the journaling, or whatever it is until you start to notice results.
(19:09):
You have to be consistent. It doesn’t happen overnight. We kind of feel like that it does because we live in this instant gratification culture. Like everything is at our fingertips, all the information, whatever we want is just like one tap away on our phones. And results and change does not happen like that.
(19:30):
We don’t get instant success most of the time, but we can create little dopamine hits for the brain here and there so that we do feel successful and like we’re making progress. And again, I’ll link to episode 26, where I talk more in depth about this. And I talk about James Clear’s four laws for creating habits and all these things.
(19:47):
It’s, it’s so good. So if you need help with that, check that episode out. Also with this, is practicing self-control. Like just having the discipline and the self control to show up consistently, creating change in your life. Even when you can’t see it yet requires discipline. It requires self-control and then you continue to do it day after day.
(20:17):
Continue showing up. Consistency is the fourth thing that you have to have if you want to create change in your life, if you want for results to last. Okay, we’re done now. I’m going to wrap up because I feel like, again, I kind of was raining on your parade a little bit. I’m not trying to point this finger in your face and say, “you’re not doing this.
(20:35):
You’re not doing this. You’re not doing that.” I want these things to serve as reminders for you and also encourage you that you’ve totally got this. It’s not difficult. It’s not complicated. It’s not rocket science, as we hear it said sometimes. But that doesn’t necessarily mean that it’s easy. Just because something is simple doesn’t mean that it’s easy.
(20:53):
So I hope that these four reminders, these four ways, things that you can do in your life to actually start to create change, are helpful for you. If you have listened, if you’ve enjoyed it, if you found it to be helpful, please take a second and rate interview the podcast.
(21:01):
It’ll literally take like a minute or less. It truly does help more moms find episodes like this one. And when you partner with me in doing that, you really have a hand in this mission of spreading hope and light to moms everywhere. I’m trying to reach all of the overwhelmed mamas. I want them to know there is hope you don’t have to stay there.
(21:26):
It’s okay to be overwhelmed, but it’s just not okay to stay there. We don’t have to stay stuck. There is hope for you. It is totally possible to create the change that you want to see. It is totally possible to be that mom, and the woman, and the best version of yourself that you want to be. So thank you so much for being here.
(21:41):
Thanks for joining me. I will see you next week on Tuesday.
